H F Dummie
1: I don't see why this is Keter. While it's destructive power is high, it can be safely secured in a locker. See SCP-498.
2: I fail to see the significance of tying this in with SCP-055.
3: The entire idea may have violated Rule 7 of this "http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-big-list-of-overdone-scp-cliches". Also, SCP-TTKU-J.
4: Don't use Roman numerals.
As much as I'd like to say that the skip is interesting and possesses an original and creative idea, with a good twist, it doesn't. I'm sorry. I truly am.
Stareatthevoid
The idea was 'something that could be helpful but likely to get into wrong hands'. SCP-055's cell is the perfect containment since the attention will be focused on 55 itself most likely. Keter, because if left alone anyoe posessing this could end humanity as whole. About roman numerals, they use that in clearance. Also, don't say you are sorry, you have done nothing, and it makes drama which I hate above all.
ChrisAKAPiefish
SCP-055's cell is the perfect containment since the attention will be focused on 55 itself most likely.
Considering what 055 is that makes absolutely no sense.
Keter, because if left alone anyoe posessing this could end humanity as whole.
But if they just locked this in a safe, no one could get to it so therefore it would be Safe. Lots of Safe SCP's could end humanity but the object class is based on how easy it is to contain the object, not how dangerous it is.
About roman numerals, they use that in clearance.
No they don't: http://www.scp-wiki.net/security-clearance-levels
Stareatthevoid (double post)
Also, how does it violate rule 7? It doesn't need to eat nukes or D class
ChrisAKAPiefish
This is just downright bad. It's a ray gun what kills people. As well as that being dull as hell, the article is in a bizarre format, the item isn't Keter as it could be easily contained though for some reason it's contained with 055? I'm still confused as to why it's contained with 055 (also I don't know if it even has been done but it would be incredibly rare and be an incredibly specific circumstance to contain 2 SCP's together).
Saying this item caused the Hiroshima bombing and that the actual story of Hiroshima is fake is really toeing the line of being offensive (as well as making absolutely no sense), the article is full of pseudoscience as it is quite clearl that you have no concept on what dark matter is (so you should really avoid talking about it unless you've done your research) and I think you were trying to make this scary but there's just nothing to this article. It's literally a ray gun, that is it.
Get feedback from the draft forums or IRC chat before posting next time.
-1
Stareatthevoid
Read my other replies. Won't even bother writing one for you.
ChrisAKAPiefish
Won't even bother writing one for you.
Not sure if this was the intention but that comes across as kind of shitty. Just to clarify, I'm not faulting you, writing an SCP isn't easy and does take some practice. I am however faulting the article because that is what critique is for.
I've read your other replies and responded to them highlighting key issues. Crit may be harsh but ultimately receiving harsh crit does make you into a better writer (speaking from experience).
Edit: Also I have just noticed you did ask for feedback from the draft forums but you seem to have ignored it/argued why it's wrong.
Protip: People giving feedback will a lot of the time be more experienced than you, you should really listen to the advice rather than argue it.
Stareatthevoid
I am just trying to bring up what the idea was, as many seem not to understand it, and it's just my psychology to argue with people that critisize me, sorry if this sounds offensive, I just find some critiques inappropriate. My reply was harsh because you basically just said what other people said, and I am constantly forced into writing the same thing out again and again. Also, you got to admit, your critique had a pretty mild language, it just felt like being slapped by a fish.
ChrisAKAPiefish
I am just trying to bring up what the idea was, as many seem not to understand it,
I think everyone understands it, the idea just isn't very good.
and it's just my psychology to argue with people that critisize me
You're gonna need to learn to not do that then otherwise people can't help you write an SCP.
My reply was harsh because you basically just said what other people said, and I am constantly forced into writing the same thing out again and again.
If multiple people are telling you the same thing, you need to stop arguing why their points are wrong and start looking at why they have made those points.
Also, you got to admit, your critique had a pretty mild language
I mean, the closest thing I used to a swear word was "hell" so not entirely sure what you mean by this?
Stareatthevoid
It was blazing with agression. And people seem to get the point every time I answer, so they kinda don't get it at first it seems. I don't argue just because I don't like what people say, but rather to pont in flaws in their critique, thus I am not provoking anybody.
sirpudding
Trying to convince the audience they are wrong doesn't have a great track record, let me know how it works out for you.
The time to make effective arguments to the audience to support your work is within the work itself, after you have already lost them is far too late.
dankaar
SCP-3694 is composed mainly of dark matter, thus having matter and antimatter wiring, as well as matter and antimatter ammunition.
… I don't think you quite understand what matter and antimatter are, nor Dark Matter. Matter and anitmatter are polar opposites, and combine in a way that is not too dissimilar to gunpowder and fire. They explosively ahniliate each other if they ever come into contact. And we're not talking Hiroshima-nuke size explosions. A button-sized amount of antimatter would release enough energy to send the old Space Shuttle into orbit. Something the size of a typical handgun… that would be catastrophic. "Hiroshima-nuke sized" might be on the smaller end. And there'd be no SCP left, as it'd be vaporized.
Furhermore, Dark Matter is some kind of matter that has mass, but doesn't seem like it interacts much with matter- imagine something akin to a ghost and you'd get a general idea. Theoretical "mirror matter" seems to be the most likely thing to be dark matter… but we don't know.
Stareatthevoid
…I know matter and antimatter annihilate eachother, that's why it is mainly composed of dark matter, to prevent them from colliding. And if you cared to take notice, collision between matter and antimatter is how this thing works
DrZinc
And he's saying that an explosion caused by matter/anti-matter would be too big for what your going for, Plus the ammunition would disappear as soon as you used it once.
Please give up this fight, mate, there's no way of winning. You are way outnumbered. Go to the brainstorming forum, like I said in the original thread, and be patient with it.
dankaar
And he's saying that an explosion caused by matter/anti-matter would be too big for what your going for, Plus the ammunition would disappear as soon as you used it once.
That's one part, yes. A quarter-sized amount of antimatter one atom thick has the explosive force about ten times that of a hand grenade. A Hiroshima-sized explosion is likely too small for what this thing spits out.
Furthermore…
that's why it is mainly composed of dark matter, to prevent them from colliding.
This is baloney. Dark matter barely interacts with matter to begin with- the two will pass through one another. Due to the relationship of antimatter to matter, it too would pass right through dark matter. Dark matter will at best prevent two atoms of matter and antimatter from colliding, if all three were the size of buildings.
Even assuming that in this SCP dark matter acts differently, there's no way the Foundation would be able to tell if it is made partially from antimatter without the SCP blowing up the moment they opened the outer casing and (presumably) breaking the vacuum inside that prevented the antimatter components from interacting with air molecules. Detecting antimatter particles is a completely different issue than detecting if something is made from antimatter.
Scorpion451
You keep insisting that people aren't getting the idea, but it's quite the opposite; there are major logical and factual issues here that become obvious to anyone who gets what you're trying to describe here.
For instance:
…I know matter and antimatter annihilate eachother, that's why it is mainly composed of dark matter, to prevent them from colliding.
By definition, dark matter isn't something you can see or touch. Even assuming dark matter is a self-interacting substance you could use to build things [[footnote]] which is still "now taking bets" territory in physics [[/footnote]], and assuming you had some way to manipulate it to build a gun out of it[[footnote]] which is in the same realm as putting artificial gravity in your faster than light spaceship... [[/footnote]], all you'd end up with is an invisible, intangible region of gravitational attraction equivalent in shape and magnitude to a gun. Matter and antimatter wouldn't even notice it was there.
Tutwater
Object Class (Safe, Euclid, Keter) doesn't refer to how dangerous the object is, it refers to how difficult it is to contain. If you can lock it in a box, and it can't do any harm while it's in there, it's Safe, no matter what destructive power it has.
I realize World War II took place over seventy years ago, but "this goofy laser gun was responsible for an event that caused tens of thousands of real-world deaths, and still has witnesses and mourners to this day" seems to be super in poor taste for my liking.
In any case, "it's a gun that kills people super hard" isn't very interesting, and it's evident that you don't know what anti-matter is or might be, besides "it's sciencey-sounding and probably dangerous".
Stareatthevoid
Thanks for repeating what other said and not reading the responces.
Leveritas
Instead of arguing with users that are more experienced than you, ask yourself if they might have a point. Right now, it looks like you're trying to convince us that the article is good, but you don't get to decide that viewpoint for other people. The rating and comments here clearly say that it needs work, so try to take the critique and improve.
If you're unable to deal with your work being judged, you won't be successful here.
