Noting that new site member OutOfRecord (account age 125 days, site membership 4 days) recently posted the following concept critique post to the draft critique forum rules thread, which has multiple indicators of AI-generation:
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-12255912/how-to-use-this-forum-drafts-critique#post-9051979
Seeking Greenlights: Yes
Page Type: SCP Article
Genre: Drama/Emotional, Horror
Page Layout: Standard SCP format, using a main description followed by interviews, recovered media, personnel records, and observational addenda. The article gradually shifts from explaining the anomaly to exploring Lawrence as a person and his relationship with the Foundation.
Elevator Pitch: SCP-7457 is Dr. Goodhart Lawrence, a long-serving Foundation researcher whose anomalous ability allows him to redirect the perceived target of an already-established objective. He cannot create or remove objectives or directly control how someone acts; instead, he causes people to reinterpret what their existing objective is directed toward. The anomaly is inspired by Goodhart's Law.
Central Narrative: The article follows Lawrence after nineteen years of Foundation service as he becomes increasingly uncomfortable with the way human lives can be reduced to objectives, casualty figures, and measurable outcomes. His history includes the death of a colleague during an early Foundation assignment, repeated attempts to prevent personnel casualties, conflict with the O5 Council, and his eventual realization that his usefulness has also made him part of the system he distrusts. The story focuses on Lawrence trying to retain his humanity while working inside an institution that necessarily reduces complex situations to objectives and numbers.
Hook/Attention-Grabber: Goodhart's Law is made literal through an anomalous ability that changes what an existing objective is perceived to target, while Lawrence's personal conflict mirrors the same problem on an institutional level.
Additional Notes: I would especially appreciate feedback on whether Lawrence feels like a genuine human character rather than a vehicle for philosophical dialogue, whether the anomaly's limitations are clear, and whether the emotional material and mundane scenes feel natural. I would also appreciate feedback on pacing and whether any planned addenda feel unnecessary or repetitive.Excerpt of note:
Central Narrative: The article follows Lawrence after nineteen years of Foundation service as he becomes increasingly uncomfortable with the way human lives can be reduced to objectives, casualty figures, and measurable outcomes. His history includes the death of a colleague during an early Foundation assignment, repeated attempts to prevent personnel casualties, conflict with the O5 Council, and his eventual realization that his usefulness has also made him part of the system he distrusts. The story focuses on Lawrence trying to retain his humanity while working inside an institution that necessarily reduces complex situations to objectives and numbers.
Hook/Attention-Grabber: Goodhart's Law is made literal through an anomalous ability that changes what an existing objective is perceived to target, while Lawrence's personal conflict mirrors the same problem on an institutional level.
Additional Notes: I would especially appreciate feedback on whether Lawrence feels like a genuine human character rather than a vehicle for philosophical dialogue, whether the anomaly's limitations are clear, and whether the emotional material and mundane scenes feel natural. I would also appreciate feedback on pacing and whether any planned addenda feel unnecessary or repetitive.
Of note, the user has a sandbox with no edits (full draft in creation) that has a lot of AI indicators: https://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/scp-7457-draft
SCP-7457 — Goodhart Lawrence
Item #: SCP-7457
Object Class: Euclid
Disruption Class: Vlam
Risk Class: Warning
SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES
SCP-7457 is to remain employed by the Foundation under supervised conditions. Due to the nature of his anomalous effect and extensive familiarity with Foundation procedures, conventional containment is considered impractical.
SCP-7457 may access standard research facilities but is prohibited from independently authorizing personnel deployment during containment operations involving entities rated Level 4 or higher.
Personnel are not to refer to SCP-7457 as "Goodhart's Law." SCP-7457 has repeatedly stated that the designation is incorrect.
Requests submitted by SCP-7457 for retirement are to be reviewed by the Site Director personally.
As of ██/██/20██, SCP-7457 has submitted ██ retirement requests.
All remain unresolved.
DESCRIPTION
SCP-7457 is Dr. Goodhart Lawrence, a 47-year-old human male who has been employed by the Foundation for 19 years. He entered Foundation service at age 28.
SCP-7457 possesses an anomalous effect capable of altering the perceived target of an individual's established objective.
When SCP-7457 identifies an individual's intended objective, he may designate an alternative target through verbal suggestion, gesture, or simple identification. Affected individuals subsequently perceive the designated target as relevant to their original objective.
The effect does not constitute conventional mind control. Affected individuals retain their personality, reasoning abilities, and awareness of their actions. Instead, their reasoning reorganizes itself around the substituted target.
The anomalous effect has several documented limitations:
- SCP-7457 cannot create an objective that the affected individual did not already possess.
- SCP-7457 cannot remove an objective entirely; he can only redirect its perceived target.
- The substituted target must be sufficiently relevant to the original objective for the affected individual to rationalize the alteration. Targets with no plausible connection to the objective are significantly less likely to produce an effect.
- The effect is substantially more reliable when the original objective is expressed through measurable criteria.
- Individuals may resist or partially reject the alteration when the substituted target directly conflicts with deeply established personal convictions or immediate survival instincts.
- SCP-7457 cannot directly dictate the actions taken to achieve the substituted target. The affected individual determines the means independently.
The effect may therefore produce highly divergent behavior while leaving the affected individual's reasoning apparently intact.
For example, an individual instructed to:
"Prevent Researcher █████ from entering the chamber."
may, following SCP-7457's intervention, attempt to prevent Researcher ███████ from entering the chamber instead.
The affected individual will generally construct a plausible explanation for the change and may remain unaware that their original objective has been altered.
SCP-7457 has described this property as:
"The difference between doing what you were told and doing what the number says."
Despite possessing an ability capable of influencing personnel, SCP-7457 rarely uses it.
When questioned regarding this restraint, SCP-7457 stated:
"Because I already know what happens when you turn people into targets."
ADDENDUM 7457.1 — INITIAL CLASSIFICATION
For the first several years of SCP-7457's Foundation employment, no anomalous properties were identified.
Personnel records instead describe Lawrence as excessively cautious, resistant to high-risk procedures, prone to questioning casualty projections, and effective at identifying procedural inconsistencies.
His anomalous properties were identified following an incident in which SCP-7457 prevented a containment breach by verbally redirecting a security officer toward an individual preparing to sabotage a containment system.
When interviewed afterward, the security officer stated:
"I knew he was the problem."
The officer was unable to explain why.
Following the incident, SCP-7457 was placed under observation.
ADDENDUM 7457.2 — INITIAL INTERVIEW
Interviewer: Dr. █████
Subject: SCP-7457
Interviewer: Do you consider your ability dangerous?
SCP-7457: Yes.
Interviewer: Why?
SCP-7457: Because people think being useful makes something safe.
Interviewer: You mean your ability?
SCP-7457: I mean the Foundation.
Interviewer: What's wrong with how the Foundation operates?
SCP-7457: You give someone a target. They reach it. Then you measure how well they reached it.
Interviewer: That's how organizations function.
SCP-7457: Exactly.
Interviewer: What's wrong with that?
SCP-7457: Eventually nobody remembers why the target mattered.
Interviewer: Isn't that simply Goodhart's Law?
SCP-7457: Don't call me that.
Interviewer: Why not?
SCP-7457: Because I'm a person.
Interview terminated at SCP-7457's request.
ADDENDUM 7457.3 — RECOVERED VIDEO TAPE
Recovery Note: A junior researcher reviewing SCP-7457's early personnel records discovered an unindexed videotape inside an archival storage cabinet.
The tape was recorded during SCP-7457's first year of Foundation employment, approximately 18 years prior to its recovery.
The second individual visible in the recording has been identified as Researcher Andrew █████, a colleague of SCP-7457 during his first year of Foundation employment.
[BEGIN RECORDING]
The recording begins inside a Foundation residential dormitory.
SCP-7457 is approximately 28 years old.
Andrew: How was your day, Lawrence?
Lawrence: Great.
Andrew: Today we have to accomplish this task the researchers gave us.
Lawrence: What task?
Andrew: Observe SCP-682.
Lawrence: How?
Andrew: They said we have to get closer to it.
Lawrence: I don't think that's a good idea, Andrew.
Andrew: Relax, man. You're overthinking it.
Lawrence: Hopefully.
[RECORDING CUTS]
The camera is positioned inside a designated observation area.
SCP-682 is visible in the distance.
Andrew: Look, Lawrence. It's not aggressive.
Lawrence: Yet.
Andrew: See? Nothing's happening.
Lawrence: Andrew—
A loud metallic impact is heard outside the chamber.
SCP-682 becomes visibly agitated.
Lawrence: Andrew.
Andrew: Yeah?
Lawrence: We need to leave.
Andrew: Yeah.
SCP-682 strikes the containment barrier.
Andrew: Lawrence, run.
Lawrence: What?
Andrew: JUST GO! THERE'S NO TIME!
Lawrence: But what about you?
Andrew: RUN!
Lawrence retreats toward the exit.
Lawrence: Andrew!
The camera falls to the floor.
Multiple impacts are audible.
Andrew screams.
The recording continues for approximately 23 seconds.
The final intelligible audio consists of Andrew shouting SCP-7457's name.
[END RECORDING]
Following recovery of the tape, SCP-7457 was asked whether he wished to review it.
He declined.
Researcher: You knew this tape existed?
SCP-7457: Yes.
Researcher: Have you watched it before?
SCP-7457: Once.
Researcher: Why do you still remember?
Pause.
SCP-7457: He told me to run.
Researcher: And you did.
SCP-7457: Yes.
Researcher: You survived.
SCP-7457: He didn't.
Interview terminated.
ADDENDUM 7457.4 — PERSONNEL RECORD
Years of service: 19
Commendations: ██
Formal reprimands: ██
Emergency interventions: ██
Retirement requests: ██
Confirmed personnel casualties prevented: ██
Confirmed personnel casualties caused directly by SCP-7457: 0
The final figure has been manually circled in red ink.
Beneath it is written:
"Still not enough."
The author is unknown.
ADDENDUM 7457.5 — O5 COUNCIL REVIEW
SCP-7457 was summoned following repeated objections to Foundation procedures involving personnel expenditure and casualty projections.
Location: O5 Council Chamber
Attending: O5-1 through O5-13, Administrator
Subject: SCP-7457
O5-1: Sit down, Dr. Lawrence.
SCP-7457: I'm fine standing.
O5-1: You have repeatedly interfered with procedures after authorization.
SCP-7457: Yes.
O5-1: You understand why sacrifices are sometimes necessary.
SCP-7457: Of course.
O5-1: Yet you continue to object.
SCP-7457: I object to pretending they aren't sacrifices.
O5-3: Explain.
SCP-7457: You give an order. The objective gets completed. Whatever sacrifices were necessary disappear into the report.
O5-3: Sometimes they are.
SCP-7457: I know.
SCP-7457: You stop saying their names.
O5-1: That's an emotional argument.
SCP-7457: They're people.
O5-1: We are aware of that.
SCP-7457: No.
SCP-7457 looks directly at O5-1.
O5-1: What do you see?
SCP-7457: People.
Pause.
SCP-7457: You see objectives. Containment achieved. Incident resolved. Threat neutralized. Acceptable losses.
O5-1: Sacrifices are sometimes unavoidable.
SCP-7457: I know.
SCP-7457: I've been here nineteen years. I know some people have to die.
O5-1: Then what exactly do you object to?
SCP-7457: Pretending their deaths were part of the objective.
O5-1: You think I don't remember him?
SCP-7457: I think you remember the incident.
Pause.
SCP-7457: I remember the person.
Meeting suspended for 4 minutes, 17 seconds.
[RECORDING RESUMES]
O5-7: Your ability makes you suited to identifying these failures.
SCP-7457: That's one way to describe it.
O5-7: We are offering you expanded authority.
SCP-7457: No.
O5-7: You would be able to prevent more deaths.
SCP-7457: And eventually someone will measure how many.
O5-7: That's how accountability works.
SCP-7457: That's how targets work.
The Administrator enters the chamber.
Administrator: That's enough.
SCP-7457: Can I go home?
Administrator: Yes.
SCP-7457: Thank you.
SCP-7457 exits.
[RECORDING CONTINUES]
O5-3: He was out of line.
O5-1: Was he wrong?
Administrator: No.
O5-7: You agree with him?
Administrator: I didn't say that.
O5-1: Then what are you saying?
Administrator: I'm saying you summoned the one person in this organization who still remembers the names.
O5-1: We remember them.
Administrator: You remember the incidents.
The Administrator places SCP-7457's personnel file on the table.
Administrator: He remembers who died.
O5-7: That's sentiment.
Administrator: Perhaps.
O5-1: What do you propose?
Administrator: Nothing.
O5-1: Nothing?
Administrator: Let him keep warning people.
O5-1: And if he stops?
Pause.
Administrator: Then you'll finally know how much work he was doing.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
ADDENDUM 7457.6 — DOMESTIC OBSERVATION
Foundation surveillance has recorded SCP-7457 returning home at approximately 19:00 on most working days.
The following observation occurred ██/██/20██.
SCP-7457 enters his apartment.
He removes his coat and places his keys on the table.
He prepares two cups of coffee.
He places one cup across from himself.
SCP-7457 sits.
Approximately eleven seconds pass.
He looks at the second cup.
SCP-7457: "...Right."
He takes the cup and pours its contents into the sink.
SCP-7457 remains seated for several minutes.
At 19:43, he moves the second chair back beneath the table.
At 19:44, he removes his wallet.
A photograph of Researcher Andrew █████ is visible inside.
SCP-7457 looks at it briefly before returning it to his wallet.
He does not speak.
The following morning, he arrived at Site-██ at 07:30.
ADDENDUM 7457.7 — MONOLOGUE
The following audio was recorded after SCP-7457 returned from a containment operation involving three personnel fatalities.
SCP-7457:
"Every morning they give me a number.
Another experiment.
Another objective.
Another thing that needs to be contained.
I used to think the numbers were there so we wouldn't forget.
Funny thing.
After nineteen years, I've learned they're sometimes there so we don't have to remember.
Casualty. Loss. Necessary expenditure.
Clean words. Easy words.
You can put them in a table. You can optimize them.
And eventually you can forget that every number used to answer to a name.
I don't know if remembering changes anything.
Probably doesn't.
But tomorrow they'll give me another number.
And I'll still ask them who it belongs to."
SCP-7457 returned to work the following morning at 07:30.
ADDENDUM 7457.8 — INSTRUMENTALITY INTERVIEW
Interviewer: Junior Researcher █████
Subject: SCP-7457
Researcher: Do you think you've become a tool?
SCP-7457 stops writing.
SCP-7457: A tool?
Researcher: The Foundation gives you an objective. You find the problem. You redirect people. You prevent casualties. You go where you're needed.
SCP-7457: Sounds useful.
Researcher: That's not what I meant.
SCP-7457: I know.
Researcher: So?
SCP-7457 looks at the report in front of him.
SCP-7457: Maybe.
Researcher: You don't sound sure.
SCP-7457: That's because tools don't usually get asked whether they want to be used.
Pause.
SCP-7457: People do.
Researcher: Then why keep letting them use you?
SCP-7457 looks toward the observation window.
SCP-7457: Because sometimes the tool is the only thing between them and the person who gets broken.
Researcher: That's not an answer.
SCP-7457: It's the one I've got.
The interview concludes.
Researcher's Note:
The junior researcher subsequently submitted a request that SCP-7457 be granted mandatory psychological leave.
The request was denied.
SCP-7457 later signed the denial himself.
The signature was accompanied by a handwritten note:
"They're short-staffed."
ADDENDUM 7457.9 — A GOOD DAY
Date: ██/██/20██
On the evening of his 47th birthday, SCP-7457 purchased a small cake from a local bakery.
No Foundation personnel were present.
When questioned the following morning about the purchase, SCP-7457 stated:
"It was my birthday."
Researcher: You live alone. Why buy a cake?
SCP-7457: "Because I like cake."
No further explanation was provided.
SCP-7457 ate the remaining portion of the cake the following morning.
He subsequently arrived at his assigned site 17 minutes late.
This was the first recorded instance of SCP-7457 arriving late without an active containment emergency.
Administrator: "You're late."
SCP-7457: "I know."
Administrator: "Reason?"
SCP-7457 pauses.
SCP-7457: "I was eating cake."
Silence.
Administrator: "...Your birthday?"
SCP-7457: "Yeah."
Administrator: "Was it worth being late?"
SCP-7457 looks at the clock.
SCP-7457: "Yeah."
No disciplinary action was taken.
SCP-7457 entered his office 17 minutes late and began his scheduled work.
A handwritten note was later found attached to the empty cake box:
"Good cake."
The note was unsigned.
CLOSING NOTE
SCP-7457 has not submitted another retirement request since Addendum 7457.8.
He continues to arrive at his assigned site at 07:30.
Personnel records indicate that he still carries a photograph of Researcher Andrew █████ in his wallet.
The photograph has never been digitized.
When asked why, SCP-7457 replied:
"Some things don't need to be entered into the system."
— END FILE —Excerpts of note:
SCP-7457 — Goodhart Lawrence
Item #: SCP-7457
Object Class: Euclid
Disruption Class: Vlam
Risk Class: WarningSPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES
SCP-7457 is to remain employed by the Foundation under supervised conditions. Due to the nature of his anomalous effect and extensive familiarity with Foundation procedures, conventional containment is considered impractical.
ADDENDUM 7457.1 — INITIAL CLASSIFICATION
For the first several years of SCP-7457's Foundation employment, no anomalous properties were identified.
Personnel records instead describe Lawrence as excessively cautious, resistant to high-risk procedures, prone to questioning casualty projections, and effective at identifying procedural inconsistencies.
His anomalous properties were identified following an incident in which SCP-7457 prevented a containment breach by verbally redirecting a security officer toward an individual preparing to sabotage a containment system.
When interviewed afterward, the security officer stated:
"I knew he was the problem."
CLOSING NOTE
SCP-7457 has not submitted another retirement request since Addendum 7457.8.
He continues to arrive at his assigned site at 07:30.
Personnel records indicate that he still carries a photograph of Researcher Andrew █████ in his wallet.
The photograph has never been digitized.
When asked why, SCP-7457 replied:
"Some things don't need to be entered into the system."
— END FILE —
Permanently banned, PM sent.