User 
Asgerwj (W: 171 d, S: 170 d) recently posted an article to the site containing multiple hallmarks of AI generation: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-9985
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**Item #:** SCP-901470
**Object Class:** Keter
---
**Special Containment Procedures:**
SCP-901470 is contained at Site-██ within a reinforced 10 m × 10 m anomalous object containment chamber. The object is stored inside a sealed, opaque borosilicate glass case mounted on a concrete pedestal at the center of the chamber.
Direct visual observation of SCP-901470 is strictly prohibited. No cameras, optical sensors, reflective surfaces, or recording devices capable of forming an image of the object are permitted inside the chamber. Observation is limited to indirect, non-visual instrumentation including mass, temperature, and electromagnetic field sensors.
A three-layer security perimeter is maintained at all times, staffed by a minimum of twelve (12) armed security personnel trained in memetic hazard response. Incendiary weapons are authorized but restricted following Incident 901470-C.
In the event of a containment breach accompanied by mass exposure, Site Command is authorized to initiate **Protocol BAKED POTATO**, involving complete site sterilization. Nuclear options are reserved as a last resort and require unanimous O5 Council approval but is strongly recomended.
---
**Description:**
SCP-901470 is a single specimen of *Solanum tuberosum* (Russet potato), measuring approximately 14 cm in length and weighing 310 g. SCP-901470 exhibits no anomalous physical, chemical, or biological properties when examined indirectly.
The anomalous effect of SCP-901470 manifests when a human subject visually perceives the object, either directly or through recorded imagery. Upon exposure, subjects experience an immediate and overwhelming conviction that SCP-901470 possesses immense divine, cosmic, or existential significance.
Affected individuals consistently describe SCP-901470 as “perfect,” “holy,” or “fundamental,” while being unable to articulate any coherent reasoning for these beliefs. Attempts to rationalize or explain the perceived importance of SCP-901470 typically result in agitation, emotional distress, or cognitive collapse.
Prolonged or repeated exposure has resulted in obsessive fixation on SCP-901470, attempts to breach containment “for its protection,” development of religious or cult-like ideation, and episodes of catatonia or violent emotional outbursts.
Despite these reactions, subjects universally acknowledge that SCP-901470 is “just a potato,” while insisting this fact is irrelevant.
---
**Addendum 901470-1: Discovery:**
SCP-901470 was recovered from a supermarket produce section in ████████, Denmark, following reports of multiple customers collapsing in Aisle 4 and one employee attempting to kneel and pray to a crate of potatoes.
Initial responding agents reported a “strong sense of unease” despite identifying no visible anomaly. Twenty-three (23) civilians required amnestic treatment. All other potatoes at the location were confirmed non-anomalous.
---
**Addendum 901470-2: Incident Log 901470-C:**
During a scheduled containment inspection, a reflective maintenance tool was inadvertently introduced into SCP-901470’s chamber, creating a partial visual reflection of the object.
Within 4.2 seconds, three personnel exhibited acute memetic response symptoms. One attempted to embrace the containment case. Another repeatedly stated, *“It’s nothing. It’s nothing. It’s everything.”*
Use of authorized incendiary weapons caused no damage to SCP-901470 and resulted in severe psychological distress among responding personnel. Incendiary authorization has since been downgraded.
---
**Addendum 901470-3: Object Class Review:**
SCP-901470 was initially classified as **Safe**, then reclassified as **Euclid** following multiple containment incidents caused by staff exposure. Subsequent unanimous O5 review resulted in reclassification to **Keter**.
> *“SCP-901470 does not attempt to breach containment. Human cognition does.”*
— O5-█
---
**Addendum 901470-4: O5 Council Discussion (Excerpt)**
> **O5-2:** We’re calling this Keter because people panic around it?
> **O5-7:** We’re calling it Keter because we panic around it.
>
> **O5-4:** It’s a potato.
> **O5-7:** So is a brain, technically.
>
> **O5-1:** The object does nothing. It sits there.
> **O5-9:** And yet everyone who sees it becomes convinced it matters more than anything they’ve ever believed.
>
> **O5-2:** Does it lie?
> **O5-9:** No. That’s the problem.
>
> **O5-1:** Reclassification stands. Contain the idea, not the object.
---
**Addendum 901470-5: Neutralization Attempt Log**
**Procedure:**
Following O5 authorization, SCP-901470 was approved for neutralization via conventional destruction.
**Method:**
Automated incineration unit activated within the containment chamber. No human observers present. Chamber monitored exclusively via non-visual instrumentation.
**Result:**
Thermal sensors confirmed ignition. Mass sensors indicated SCP-901470’s mass decreasing to zero over 4 minutes and 11 seconds. Neutralization was declared successful.
At T+19 minutes, three technicians independently reported a sudden conviction that “something important was missing.”
At T+43 minutes, a potato matching SCP-901470’s description was discovered inside the containment case.
No breach, delivery, or personnel movement accounted for reappearance.
Neutralization attempts are suspended indefinitely.
---
**Addendum 901470-6: Testing Log**
*All tests approved by Site Command. Exposure time measured from first confirmed visual contact.*
---
**Test 901470-01**
**Subject:** D-901470-01
**Exposure Method:** Direct visual contact
**Duration:** 2 seconds
**Results:**
Subject froze immediately, began crying, and attempted to press face against containment glass. Required sedation.
---
**Test 901470-02**
**Subject:** D-901470-04
**Exposure Method:** Still photograph
**Duration:** 5 seconds
**Results:**
Subject attempted repeated drawings of SCP-901470 and became distressed when informed drawings were inaccurate. All drawings were visually indistinguishable from normal potatoes he ended up shitting his pants.
---
**Test 901470-03**
**Subject:** Researcher ██████ (Level 3)
**Exposure Method:** Blurred live camera feed
**Duration:** 11 seconds
**Statement:**
> *“I can’t see it, but I know it’s disappointed in me.”*
Test terminated early.
---
**Test 901470-04**
**Subject:** D-901470-07
**Exposure Method:** Accidental reflection
**Duration:** <1 second
**Results:**
Subject collapsed, laughed uncontrollably, then entered catatonia.
**Recovered Statement:**
> *“It forgives us for inventing gods.”*
---
**Test 901470-05**
**Subject:** Non-sentient AI image classifier
**Exposure Method:** Digital scan
**Results:**
System classified SCP-901470 as “potato.” No anomalous behavior observed.
**Notes:**
O5 Council has labeled this result “unsettling.”
---
**Closing Note:**
SCP-901470 does not alter matter, energy, or probability.
It alters **certainty**.
> *“We keep asking whether it’s holy or meaningless. The anomaly is that it refuses to choose.”*
— Dr. ██████
---
**Addendum 901470-7: Cross-Testing Proposal (Denied)**
**Proposal:**
Expose SCP-901470 to known cognitohazards, memetic agents, and anomalous religious artifacts to observe interaction effects.
**Status:** Denied (Unanimous)
**Rationale:**
Multiple Ethics Committee members independently reported that “comparing SCP-901470 to other anomalies feels inappropriate,” despite acknowledging this reaction as irrational.
One committee member submitted a handwritten note during deliberation reading only:
> *“Please don’t make it compete.”*
The note has been archived. No further explanation was provided.
---
**Addendum 901470-8: Personnel Dream Reports**
Following SCP-901470’s containment, a voluntary sleep-study program was initiated among Site-██ personnel assigned to its containment wing. Subjects were not permitted visual exposure to SCP-901470.
Recurring dream elements reported include:
- A grocery store aisle extending indefinitely
- A strong sensation of having forgotten something “obvious”
- The presence of a potato that is never directly seen
No two subjects described the same potato.
All subjects agreed it was “the same one.”
Dream studies were discontinued after 61% of participants requested reassignment, citing discomfort described as *“anticipatory.”*
---
**Addendum 901470-9: Linguistic Analysis**
Review of interview transcripts from exposed personnel revealed a statistically significant decline in the use of definitive language.
Words such as *“is,” “means,”* and *“because”* decreased markedly, replaced by qualifying or deflective phrases including:
- “I feel like”
- “It’s not that, it’s just”
- “You know what I mean”
This speech pattern persisted despite successful amnestic application.
Linguistics Department notes similarities to language used when subjects attempt to describe concepts lacking symbolic representation.
No formal conclusions have been reached.
---
**Addendum 901470-10: Ethics Committee Statement**
> *“The Foundation exists to protect humanity from the anomalous.
> SCP-901470 presents a more troubling possibility:
> that humanity is unprotected from meaning.”*
A motion to reclassify SCP-901470 as **Thaumiel** was briefly introduced, then withdrawn without discussion.
Meeting adjourned 14 minutes early.
---
**Addendum 901470-11: Site ██ Incident Report**
**Summary:**
At 03:14 local time, all personnel within a 40 m radius of SCP-901470 simultaneously paused their current activity for approximately six (6) seconds.
No alarms were triggered, No visual exposure occurred, No anomalous readings were recorded.
When interviewed later, affected personnel provided nearly identical statements:
> *“I thought of something important.
> Then I didn’t.”*
Incident remains under review.
---
**Final Note:**
SCP-901470 has never attempted communication.
Several personnel report the persistent conviction that it has already said everything.
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Excerpts of Note:
*“SCP-901470 does not attempt to breach containment. Human cognition does.”*
Test 901470-05
Subject: Non-sentient AI image classifier
Exposure Method: Digital scan
Results:
System classified SCP-901470 as “potato.” No anomalous behavior observed.
Notes:
O5 Council has labeled this result “unsettling.”
—-
Closing Note:
SCP-901470 does not alter matter, energy, or probability.
It alters certainty.
Of note, the user has a sandbox here: https://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/the-god-of-potato
This sandbox possesses a full draft at Rev. 1 with the modern version appearing in Rev. 5.
A different sandbox can be found here: https://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/the-capturing-typewriter
This one was written in August of last year and appears fundamentally different from the "Potato" drafts.
Excerpts of note:
**Description: SCP-9034-1 is an old typewriter from the early 1900 it is placed on SCP-9034-2 a table from the same time period and besides them are SCP-9034-3 a chair also from the early 1900. SCP-9034-1 will alway take on the native language of the person closest to it if someone starts writing SCP-9034-3 will capture them so that they cant leave before they are finised writing a whole book of a minimum of 600 pages it can be of any genre and SCP-9034-1 will never run out of paper it cant harm you or kill you except you may die of thirst before you finish.
**Addendum:
Dr.████: hello
[REDACTED]: hi
Dr.████: so you know that we are going to run some tests with you on SCP-9034
[REDACTED]: yes i know but im kinda scared i have heard things about it and i dont know if i want to anymore
Dr.████: dont be scared we will control the test so nothing happens to you, you will just need to write a book and we made some rules it has to be a fantasy book
[REDACTED]: ok i wont think of it as scary
