AI record here: https://05command.wikidot.com/forum/t-17245259/ai-record-endless-ruin
Noting for records-keeping that new site member endless ruin (account age 33 days, site membership 21 days) recently coldposted a low-quality page, and began arguing with readers in the comments, including repeatedly double-posting and replying to their own comments:
Okay so this would definitely be a good shonen character with some polishing, but this is definitely not a very good article. The clinical tone is messy and the plot is substandard, plus the way the actual anomaly is conveyed kind of reminds me of corny old early-2010s edgy OCs, but I digress. You’re clearly very talented in terms of coming up with an idea that you’re passionate about and just writing a ton about it, and that’s a valuable skill. You just need to come up with ways to make your ideas more compelling and meaningful to a reader. Great art should have something higher to say, and great writing should be able to keep the audience engaged and interested. Plus, getting critique will never hurt your article, only allow you to grow in your own knowledge of how to write for this website with the advice of others.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193539
This isn't a Shonen character and is not an OC is simply a SCP.
Unfortunately, readers will not get that impression. A poorly written humanoid will give off “OC Territory” aka the humanoid looks out of place in the setting, as if the author just shoved in a character they had into the world because they wanted to. The impression that a character is the author’s pet or self-insert is a huge immersion breaker.
A big issue with this article, is what I would call “Powers Wiki Terminology” where instead of elaborating on the SCP’s anomalies in a scientific manner, they are written like superpowers on a character sheet.
Another issue is the informal, story-like tone, which is evident in how the SCPs are described. The usage of “he” pronouns does not help. Many poorly written humanoids referred to their SCPs by their gender, making that pattern a red flag.
Of note, readers do not have access to your thoughts, they only have access to what you put out. If your execution is bad, that’s all they have to work with.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193582
Come on is NOT an OC. You can't expect the SCP to fight with only guns. It isn't superpowers by the way is skills from his weapon.
All humanoids are OCs, it’s just that the good ones don’t give off the impression that they exist to live out an author’s fantasy.
Your SCP, even if it wasn’t your intent, falls into many of the common pitfalls of writing a humanoid. These pitfalls make fuck up the believability of the article. Many of these pitfalls were committed by self-indulgent authors, so that’s what people automatically assume when these pitfalls show up.
Also, martial excellency is a super power of itself. That’s why Batman, who has no inherent superpowers, is considered a superhero. Many poorly written Gary Stu-adjacent humanoids also happened to be good swordsmen with pimped out weaponry (see 777-J Darkblade).
From 1550-J, which pokes fun at X-Men Syndrome:
The SCP's abilities will become vastly oversimplified, and lose all scientific basis. Often times, the most useful explications will become the full power, and everything else will fade away. There is a focus on defensive and offensive capabilities. In other cases, if the ability is too complex to be useful, it will change almost completely, into something very basic. No abnormalities will exist that only have harmful effects on the owner; every single one seems to be able to be utilized as a weapon or tool.
Tone plays a huge role in whether or not a humanoid comes of as an OC/Mary Sue/Gary Stu.
SCP-8259-A is an ageless humanoid entity referred to as "The Observer". He possesses a similar anatomy and physique to SCP-8259, resembling a human male. His height, however, is a bit shorter than The Balancer at 179.73 cm. Sealing papers obscure his eyes, making it difficult to determine the direction of his gaze. His short hair is a pastel azure, and his attire is elegant yet simple — a white jacket with golden patterns in the middle hangs on his shoulders.
SCP-8259-A is a humanoid with a lean build similar to 8259. The object is 1.8 meters tall. It has light blue hair. SCP-8259’s eyes are obscured by paper talismans. 8259’s uniform consists of a white jacket with gold patterning.
I am going to be blunt:
This does not read like an scp. It reads like an oc you made in middle school and have been refining over the past 10 years. Clearly lots of thought went into this, but it's… bland and tasteless. You name powers, attacks, stats, but don't give us useful information. "100,000%" stronger attacks sound cool, but the data is pointless. Some of this sounds overkill. Why does this entity need stuff like an attack that "flings you into the sun"? You say it manifests in response to any imbalance that causes a conflict: this could be interesting if you toned it down a bit. Maybe instead of this, let's be real, god, this person was an above average human. In medieval times, etc, him showing up would be good! He would truly change the tides of battle! But nowadays, he is outclassed, and feels useless. But… you didn't. He's an op protagonist with logic errors (Where was he during 9/11.), and it just isn't a fun read.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193536
I can't just add every event in human history.
I know, but you need a reason as to why he wasn't there when you explicitly say "any imbalance".
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193569
Bro not every conflicts in humanity have an imbalance and what does 9/11 have to do with this? How can he stop that plane from crashing?
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193574 (double-post)
I can't just list out every single imbalance at the exact moment with additional information on them. It will be too long and not worth it. Also it could appear out of context. I can't just become The Observer in a way to list out every single imbalance this guy have recorded just for you.
This doesn't have the feel that a normal SCP has, and it seems like an oc that is just not interesting. I suggest a little more refining to fully flesh out the concept.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193553
Refining on what?
Containment is considered nearly impossible(…)
Wouldn't its containment class be Keter then?
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193537
Is because the SCP is hard to track, you would have understood if you have read the whole thing
If it's hard to track, it wouldn't be "safe." It's out in the open, freely. Its containment class, again, containment class, would not be safe.
Excerpts from the official Object Classes page:
Safe-class SCPs are anomalies that are easily and safely contained.
Keter-class SCPs are anomalies that are exceedingly difficult to contain consistently or reliably(…)
What you said in your finished article's containment procedures does not at all suggest your entity can be "easily and safely contained." It's in fact the complete opposite. I have already provided how this is the case in my original post on this forum.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193570
Doesn't mean that the SCPs are hard to track that they are dangerous and should be Keter. The SCPs are difficult to find but won't just attack you for no reason.
You seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding of how object classes work. They have absolutely nothing to do with how dangerous they are; instead, it's based on difficulty of containment.
Safe: you can lock it in a box, not touch it, and nothing will happen. For example, a gun, despite being a deadly weapon, would be Safe, because it won't do anything if you leave it alone.
Euclid: You can lock it in a box, but you still need to keep an eye on it. Any kind of humanoid or intelligent anomaly is Euclid at minimum, because there's no way to predict what exactly will happen.
Keter: You need constant effort to keep it in the box. A good Keter SCP is 871, which is just self-replicating cake. Cake won't hurt you unless you eat a lot of it over a long period of time, but it's still Keter because it self-replicates.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193571 (double-post)
The Balancer and the observer is suppose to be out there in the open. They can't exactly do their jobs if they are locked away in a containement cell. The Observer need to record any conflicts that is happening and The Balancer only interfere when a conflict contain one imbalance. You can't exactly tell them to stop their jobs and let the universe collapse like Jenga bricks. Is like when someone tell you to pause a game.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193545
Like come on guys this is some next-level mischaractisation you all got here.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193550 (double-post)
What are you people talking about one character? There is like more than one you know? Also what on earth does 9/11 have to do with this? It wasn't even planned in my SCP article, I wasn't even thinking on adding a 9/11. Also did you all even read the whole thing or just call it a day by first paragraph?
You asked people (way too late, btw) for feedback. They're giving it to you, and you're arguing with them. Think about that.
Also, this is a superhero, not an SCP.
-1
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193590
Yeah, you just prove to me about mischaractisation part.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193592 (double-post)
The Balancer and The Observer isn't superheroes they are two vessels made to contain a principality. Without that principality the universe would just collapse under unrestricted imbalance and forgotten laws.
Okay, let me be clear "You have created characters who could very easily be the subjects of comic books." That's great, but not what this place does. I -tried- reading it, but it turned into a lot of nothing to care about because it's just a big story about Some Guy And His Shadow with nothing to say
However, by the way you're reacting to honest and FREE (none of us are under any obligation to help you, and you're not paying to post here) feedback, I'm not sure there's much more to say here.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193597
They don't fit into comic books, ok? Like have you read the interview log 03 that litteraly explain what they are?
No. Your story isn't interesting to me. Why would I keep reading if I don't like it?
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193600
Plus why judge it so early?
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193599 (self-reply)
There are a lot more characters than The balancer. I am convinced you have not read the whole thing for extra context and what are you talking about some guy with his shadow? Did we breathe the same air? Did we read the same thing or did you drift off into a void?
Like others have said, you have a knack for having an idea and writing a lot about it, but it's clear that you have not read any of the information needed to write an actually solid SCP.
In general, humanoid SCPs are very hard to execute well, because people frequently are more interested in showing off the character than telling a coherent narrative with the anomaly as the vehicle for it. SCP-6113 is an example of a humanoid SCP done very well; very little is spent on describing the character herself, and the real reason why it shines is because of the story it tells, not because of a list of stats.
I quite frankly think that this idea can't make it as an SCP without redoing pretty much everything about it, so for future ideas:
- Follow the writing process linked by staff on the first post! This is not optional or a suggestion; it's to maintain the standard of quality that this wiki has and prevent it from becoming like other creepypasta sites.
- An idea for an SCP should start with the type of story you want to tell, and then an anomaly to make that story happen.
- Posts to the wiki are considered finished works, so if you try to skip the process with your next one, it'll end up exactly like this one.
- There's a standard of maturity that members are expected to maintain, and the wiki is also 18+. Posting your OC, asking for criticism, and then arguing with everyone who gives it to you is not giving you points with either of those regards.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193602
Is not an OC. I just can't believe the amount of mischaractisation that is happening. I did try to start with a tale but that wouldn't work so how should I start an article?
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/how-to-write-an-scp
This link guides you from first getting the idea for a new SCP to it being successful on the main site. It will require you to receive (and actually listen to) criticism of your ideas and drafts at many points in the writing process, and if you don't, the odds of producing a successful SCP are near zero.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193605
I wasn't trying to create an "OC" I swear that SCP ISN'T AN OC.
Taking critique personally also doesn't do you any favors.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193615
I can't just say nothing.
You can always walk away from your device and take a break if it's getting hard for you. Also why wouldn't starting with a tale work?
—-
The mischaracterization is happening because you improperly executed your SCP, giving readers an inaccurate impression of the SCP.
You tried to make a cake, made a pie instead, and got mad at people who pointed out how you made a pie.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193630
Does the pie taste horrible though?
Considering how people are reacting, yes. They expected and ordered a cake, not a pie. If the pie was good, there wouldn't be complaints. They would be complimenting the pie instead of recommending ways to change your recipe.
You can always try again. Tweak this recipe so it turns out as a cake. However, due to the many differences between a cake and a pie, a lot of steps and ingredients need to be cut out. Despite this, you can still make a cake of a similar flavor to your pie.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193634
Well, what should I add in the recipe?
-Read my other comment on the discussion page.
-Do not refer to SCP-8259 and SCP-8259-As as "he". Use the two SCPs' designations, "object", or "it" to refer to them. Using he/she to refer to your SCP can come off as you getting overly attached to the SCP, which is out-of-character for the Foundation.
-Cut out unnecessary words and sections that can make the tone come off as traditional prose. The only room where one can always get away with traditional prose is in-article documents (diaries, written records, and non-clinical human-made sources. Everything else requires strict objectiveness. These recordings and interviews do not have access to the characters' deepest thoughts. State what is happening, not describe what is happening.
Thankfully, he dodges the attempt and kicks his enemy into the ground. The attacker quickly stands up and swings his scythe, creating long lines of upcoming blows. The First Principality jumps above the first wave of attack and blocks the rest with his sword.
POI-(####)/The First Principality dodges POI-(####)/The Third Principality and kicks the latter to the ground. POI-(####)/The Third Principality regains its balance and proceeds to rapidly swing his scythe at POI-(####)/The First Principality's direction. POI-(####)/The First Principality leaps over POI-(####)/The Third Principality, before deflecting the rest of the principality's attacks with its sword (SCP-8259-A?).
-Merge the bullet points in the description into several paragraphs under the description. This can negate the Power's Wiki Terminology effect.
-To reduce the possible god-OC impression the principalities have, perhaps make them more inhuman or distant. The deities of SCPs are portrayed in two ways, they are either depicted as mundane people who lack the typical grandeur of a god or distant, alien abominations who lack any attachable traits. Both of these depictions shed off possible impressions that their deities exist for wish-fulfilment purposes.
So, I tried to read it, but I just can't really take this seriously or finish it in full. I know what kind of tone you're going for, the message you're getting at, but the execution is lacking.
Your main problem is pacing, formatting, and the pace of it all. A lot of the headers in the description don't really need to be there as it could just remain under the description as its own paragraph. And the "fighting techniques" feel especially out of place in what's supposed to be a government document. Why would they feel the need to include what seems to be "signature attacks" onto a classified file?
Speaking of which, the transcripts (excluding Incident Report Aftermath) don't feel like transcripts - they feel like they belong on a Tales page on the SCP Wiki. It is also incredibly eye-straining that none of the dialouge & actions are not separated and is one unbroken piece of text. They'd be more engaging if the context of what I'm reading this on wasn't a classified document.
TL;DR, the SCP's concept has so much potential, but it's wasted on a lack of clinical tone, unneeded extra formatting, and unneeded fluff.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193640
So it's better as an unclassified document?
Naetus is suggesting you change the content of the work, as it does not work well in the SCP format it is put in.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193641 (double-post)
I try only one '>' works so can I add something to add more spacing between the paragraphs and most SCP articles paragraphs are much longer though.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-17244486/scp-8259#post-7193643 (self-reply)
If I don't write fighting techniques then people would call me "not specific enough".
Of note, this is not the first time the user has displayed this behavior, given an earlier post from them: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-5797485/complaints-thread#post-7158346
Oh my days Mavis shiro,I completely agree with you and the part where the downvotes start to form is just so accurate and the worst part is people don't or usually won't leave a feedback for the writers to see where they mess up or did wrong on the article which leave the writer to question their skills and if they did or didn't make the right article which could sometimes lead to low self-esteem.And honestly it would be better if we could have a different forum for each thing by example idea critic forum,newcomer guides, introductions,ect which wouldn't result in the big mess that we have now also I realized that seeking greenlight in all this mess is difficult because the forum will continue expand leaving your post of seeking greenlight right at the bottom with the others.Also the part where you said that the 10 dislikes will result in a deletion (might) is absolutely unfair especially when the writer's article is actually good but people just hating for whatever reasons they have it could be wrong format or some small grammar spelling mistakes but seriously why not sit down and read the main idea.Also if people going to hate they should at least read the whole article and not just a glance and call it a day:writers didn't put their existence and soul into that article for whoever to just read the first sentence or the first word.