Title: SCP‑14014 — The Uncontainable Child (Seeking Greenlights) Author: VoidCartographer Concept Summary: SCP‑14014 is an uncontainable, physically unstoppable teenage girl whose behavior resembles a bored, hyperactive adolescent rather than a hostile anomaly. She possesses limitless physical regeneration, extreme speed and strength, and the temporary ability to copy other anomalies’ powers through brief contact or proximity. Despite her overwhelming capabilities, she is emotionally immature, easily distracted, and primarily motivated by entertainment and sweets. Tone & Themes: The article explores the contrast between catastrophic potential and childlike innocence. SCP‑14014 is not malicious — she simply does not understand consequences. Her “threat” comes from boredom, curiosity, and a lack of emotional development rather than intent. The Foundation’s containment strategy is not physical but psychological: enrichment, engagement, and rapport. Narrative Hook: SCP‑14014 is immune to all non‑physical anomalies (memetic, cognitohazardous, psychic, conceptual, etc.), making her uniquely suited for interacting with otherwise dangerous SCPs. However, her ability‑copying introduces unpredictable risks, especially when she encounters high‑level anomalies. The Foundation must balance her usefulness with the danger of letting her near other SCPs. Why It Works: The article blends humor, danger, and character study. SCP‑14014 is powerful enough to be terrifying, but her personality keeps the tone grounded and prevents her from becoming a generic “invincible OC.” The focus is on her psychology, her interactions with staff, and the Foundation’s attempts to manage an anomaly that cannot be contained, controlled, or terminated — only befriended. Planned Structure: - Description - Behavioral‑based containment procedures - Incident logs - Interview logs - Addenda on immunity, regeneration, and ability‑copying - Discovery logs Looking for two greenlights to proceed with drafting.

Item #: SCP-14014 Object Class: Keter Threat Level: Black ███ Name: “The Uncontainable Child” --- Description: SCP-14014 is a humanoid female entity appearing approximately 16–18 years of age. Despite its human appearance, SCP-14014 possesses physical, cognitive, and regenerative capabilities far exceeding any known biological or anomalous organism. SCP-14014 is fully sapient, displays advanced problem-solving skills, and demonstrates rapid learning across physical, intellectual, and anomalous domains. Emotional development, however, is comparable to that of an easily bored adolescent. SCP-14014 is completely uncontainable by any known Foundation method. Attempts at physical restraint, chemical suppression, memetic influence, temporal stasis, spatial isolation, or disintegration have all failed. SCP-14014 can regenerate from any degree of physical destruction, including total molecular disassembly. In one documented event, SCP-14014 was reduced to a mass approximating the size of a neutron; full regeneration occurred in 3.4 seconds. No known material, force, or anomaly has prevented SCP-14014 from reconstituting itself. SCP-14014 exhibits extreme physical strength, capable of exerting force sufficient to pulverize reinforced concrete, deform structural steel, and lift multi-ton objects with no observable strain. SCP-14014’s movement speed exceeds human perceptual thresholds; high-speed footage indicates locomotion comparable to SCP-173, though SCP-14014 perceives SCP-173’s movement as “slow.” Reaction time is estimated at <0.1 milliseconds. SCP-14014 possesses a unique anomalous ability to temporarily copy the abilities of other SCPs or anomalous entities. This process occurs through brief physical contact or close proximity. Duration of copied abilities is inversely proportional to the target’s anomalous potency: - Low-level anomalies: 3–12 minutes - Moderate anomalies: 10–40 seconds - High-level anomalies: 0.1–3 seconds - Extremely powerful anomalies: nanoseconds - Certain anomalies: cannot be copied at all Copied abilities always dissipate without residual effect. SCP-14014 cannot permanently acquire or accumulate anomalous traits. Despite its overwhelming power, SCP-14014 displays no malicious intent. Instead, it exhibits behavior consistent with a bored, hyperactive teenager. SCP-14014 seeks entertainment in the form of animated media, television, movies, video games, and digital content. It also displays a strong preference for candy and other sweet foods. When entertained, SCP-14014 is cooperative, compliant with staff requests, and has voluntarily assisted in multiple containment situations. When bored, SCP-14014 becomes unpredictable. It may wander through Foundation facilities, interact with other SCPs, or test its abilities on structural components, often causing significant collateral damage. These behaviors are not intentionally harmful; SCP-14014 appears unaware of the consequences of its actions. SCP-14014’s clothing does not behave like conventional fabric. All observed garments appear to be an extension of SCP-14014’s anomalous physiology. Clothing does not tear, burn, stain, or degrade under any circumstances, including high-velocity movement, extreme temperatures, or direct physical trauma. Clothing regenerates alongside SCP-14014’s body and can change appearance at will, often mimicking outfits from recently viewed media. SCP-14014 is a purely physical entity. Non-physical anomalous effects—including but not limited to memetic, cognitohazardous, infohazardous, psychic, metaphysical, spiritual, conceptual, temporal, and extradimensional phenomena—have no measurable effect on SCP-14014. Attempts to influence SCP-14014 through non-physical means universally fail, with no observable reaction or behavioral change. SCP-14014 cannot be contained, terminated, or meaningfully restricted. Foundation strategy focuses on continuous enrichment, psychological engagement, and controlled exposure to entertainment media to maintain SCP-14014’s cooperation and minimize accidental damage. --- Special Containment Procedures: SCP-14014 cannot be physically contained by any known Foundation technology. All attempts at confinement, restraint, suppression, or termination have failed due to SCP-14014’s regenerative capabilities, extreme physical strength, and immunity to non-physical anomalous effects. As such, containment efforts focus on behavioral management, continuous enrichment, and controlled engagement rather than physical isolation. SCP-14014 is permitted unrestricted movement within designated “Safe Interaction Zones” at Site-██, including: - Recreation Wing C - Media Room 4 - Cafeteria Annex B - Testing Hall 2 (when supervised) Access to other areas requires Level-3 authorization or higher. SCP-14014 typically complies with access restrictions when provided with adequate entertainment. Enrichment Protocol 14014-E (“Daily Entertainment Schedule”): - Minimum 6 hours of approved media per day - Minimum 1 hour of supervised recreational activity - Unlimited access to non-hazardous sweets - Weekly delivery of new media content Failure to maintain enrichment has resulted in SCP-14014 wandering into restricted zones, interacting with other SCPs, and unintentionally damaging infrastructure. Interaction Guidelines: Personnel must: - Maintain a friendly, casual demeanor - Avoid discussing containment or termination - Avoid disciplinary or authoritative tones - Prevent prolonged boredom - Avoid unauthorized anomalous exposure Ability-Copying Precautions: - Maintain 20 m distance from all SCPs unless authorized - Physical contact prohibited without Level-4 approval - Monitor copied ability duration - High-risk anomalies require O5 authorization Site Protection Role: SCP-14014 may assist during containment breaches if entertained or incentivized. Breach Protocol: If SCP-14014 leaves designated areas: - Activate Protocol Playtime-Blue - Dispatch Enrichment Team 14014-A - Offer media, sweets, or new content - Avoid confrontation Termination Clause: Termination is impossible. All attempts are prohibited. --- Incident Logs: Incident 14014‑1 — “The Door Problem” Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Site‑██, Cafeteria Annex B Summary: SCP‑14014 attempted to enter the cafeteria during a routine lunch period. The door was locked due to a scheduled cleaning. SCP‑14014 knocked once, waited approximately two seconds, then removed the door from its frame with one hand and placed it neatly against the wall. When questioned, SCP‑14014 stated: “It was stuck.” No personnel were harmed. Door replaced within 40 minutes. Notes: SCP‑14014 did not appear frustrated or malicious. She simply treated the door as an obstacle. Incident 14014‑2 — Unscheduled Interaction with SCP‑173 Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Hallway outside SCP‑173’s containment chamber Summary: SCP‑14014 wandered into a restricted hallway while searching for “the room with the funny statue.” SCP‑173 was undergoing a containment rotation at the time. SCP‑14014 approached SCP‑173 and tapped it on the head. SCP‑173 attempted to move. SCP‑14014 reacted faster than SCP‑173’s displacement, catching it mid‑movement and holding it in place. SCP‑14014 commented: “You’re slow.” SCP‑14014 then returned SCP‑173 to its original position and left the area. Notes: SCP‑173’s anomalous movement appears ineffective against SCP‑14014 due to her superior reaction speed. Incident 14014‑3 — Ability Copy: SCP‑999 Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Recreation Wing C Summary: SCP‑999 approached SCP‑14014 during a scheduled enrichment session. SCP‑14014 hugged SCP‑999, resulting in temporary acquisition of SCP‑999’s euphoria‑inducing effect. For approximately 7 minutes, SCP‑14014 emitted a mild joy aura, causing nearby personnel to experience elevated mood, laughter, and reduced stress. SCP‑14014 described the sensation as: “Warm and fizzy.” Effect dissipated without incident. Notes: This is the longest recorded duration of a copied ability. Incident 14014‑4 — Attempted Ability Copy: SCP‑682 Date: ██/██/20██ Location: SCP‑682 Containment Chamber (unauthorized entry) Summary: SCP‑14014 entered SCP‑682’s chamber after becoming “bored of watching reruns.” SCP‑682 immediately attacked. SCP‑14014 attempted to copy SCP‑682’s regenerative ability. Duration of copied ability: 0.004 seconds. SCP‑14014 was thrown through three reinforced walls but regenerated instantly. SCP‑682 sustained no lasting damage. SCP‑14014 exited the chamber stating: “He’s grumpy.” Notes: SCP‑682 expressed irritation but did not pursue SCP‑14014. Incident 14014‑5 — Structural Damage Event (“The Shortcut”) Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Site‑██, Testing Hall 2 Summary: SCP‑14014 was instructed to report to Media Room 4 for a new anime screening. Instead of using the hallway, SCP‑14014 created a direct path by punching through two concrete walls and one steel bulkhead. When questioned, SCP‑14014 replied: “It was faster.” Notes: Reinforcement of Testing Hall 2 is ongoing. Incident 14014‑6 — Interaction with SCP‑11999 Date: ██/██/20██ Location: SCP‑11999 Containment Wing Summary: SCP‑14014 approached SCP‑11999’s containment chamber after hearing “weird humming.” SCP‑11999 extended a tendril toward SCP‑14014. SCP‑14014 poked the tendril. SCP‑11999 attempted assimilation. Assimilation failed instantly due to SCP‑14014’s purely physical nature. SCP‑11999 entered a 9‑minute disorientation state. SCP‑14014 commented: “That tickled.” Notes: SCP‑14014 is immune to SCP‑11999’s recursive seeds and conceptual assimilation. Incident 14014‑7 — Media Interruption Event Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Media Room 4 Summary: During a scheduled anime screening, Site‑wide power briefly flickered. The episode paused for 0.3 seconds. SCP‑14014 immediately left the room, located the malfunctioning generator, and repaired it by physically realigning internal components at high speed. SCP‑14014 returned to the media room and stated: “Fixed it.” Notes: Generator was restored to full function. SCP‑14014’s repair method is not replicable by human personnel. Incident 14014‑8 — “Candy Bribery” Containment Assist Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Site‑██, Sector 3 Summary: During a containment breach involving SCP‑███, Enrichment Team 14014‑A offered SCP‑14014 a bag of assorted sweets in exchange for assistance. SCP‑14014 accepted, subdued SCP‑███ in 0.7 seconds, and returned to watching television. Notes: SCP‑14014’s cooperation is highly responsive to candy‑based incentives. --- Interview Logs: Interview Attempt 14014‑1 — Baseline Communication Interviewer: Dr. Halden Location: Recreation Wing C Date: ██/██/20██ Dr. Halden: SCP‑14014, do you mind if we ask you a few questions? SCP‑14014: Sure. But can you put the next episode on after? It ended on a cliffhanger. Dr. Halden: We can do that. First question: do you know what you are? SCP‑14014: A person. Duh. Dr. Halden: Do you know why you’re here? SCP‑14014: Because you guys have better snacks than the outside world. And the TV is huge. Dr. Halden: That’s… one way to put it. SCP‑14014: Also you freak out when I walk through walls. That’s funny. Dr. Halden: Please don’t do that. SCP‑14014: No promises. Notes: SCP‑14014 appears fully aware of her anomalous abilities but does not consider them unusual. Interview Attempt 14014‑2 — Ability Copy Inquiry Interviewer: Researcher Lorne Location: Media Room 4 Date: ██/██/20██ Researcher Lorne: SCP‑14014, can you explain how you copy abilities? SCP‑14014: I dunno. I just… do it. Researcher Lorne: Do you feel anything when it happens? SCP‑14014: Sometimes it’s warm. Sometimes it’s tingly. Sometimes it’s like drinking soda too fast. Researcher Lorne: And how long does it last? SCP‑14014: Depends. If it’s something small, it sticks around. If it’s something big, it’s like— (snaps fingers) —gone. Researcher Lorne: Can you choose not to copy something? SCP‑14014: Yeah. But sometimes I forget. Like when that lizard thing yelled at me. Researcher Lorne: SCP‑682? SCP‑14014: Yeah. He needs a nap. Notes: SCP‑14014’s descriptions match observed ability‑copy durations. Interview Attempt 14014‑3 — Non‑Physical Immunity Test Interviewer: Dr. Kessler Location: Testing Hall 2 Date: ██/██/20██ Dr. Kessler: SCP‑14014, we’re going to show you a memetic symbol. Please tell us if you feel anything. SCP‑14014: Okay. (Dr. Kessler displays a Level‑3 cognitohazard on an analog card.) Dr. Kessler: Any reaction? SCP‑14014: It looks like a squiggly cat. Dr. Kessler: You don’t feel compelled to do anything? SCP‑14014: Nope. Should I? Dr. Kessler: No. That’s fine. SCP‑14014: Can I draw a better cat? Dr. Kessler: …Yes. (SCP‑14014 draws a surprisingly accurate cat on the card.) Notes: Cognitohazard had no effect. SCP‑14014’s drawing ability is above average. Interview Attempt 14014‑4 — Behavioral Motivation Interviewer: Site Director ████ Location: Director’s Office Date: ██/██/20██ Director ████: SCP‑14014, we’d like to understand what motivates you. SCP‑14014: I like fun things. Director ████: Can you elaborate? SCP‑14014: Shows. Games. Candy. People who aren’t boring. Director ████: And when you get bored? SCP‑14014: I go exploring. Director ████: That has caused… issues. SCP‑14014: Not my fault your walls are weak. Director ████: They are reinforced steel. SCP‑14014: Weak. Director ████: Could you please avoid breaking them? SCP‑14014: Give me new episodes and I’ll think about it. Notes: SCP‑14014 responds positively to negotiation when entertainment is offered. Interview Attempt 14014‑5 — Emotional Assessment Interviewer: Dr. Halden Location: Recreation Wing C Date: ██/██/20██ Dr. Halden: SCP‑14014, do you ever feel angry? SCP‑14014: Not really. Dr. Halden: Sad? SCP‑14014: Only when a show ends. Dr. Halden: Afraid? SCP‑14014: What would I be afraid of? Dr. Halden: Pain? Injury? SCP‑14014: (laughs) That’s funny. Dr. Halden: Do you feel lonely? (SCP‑14014 pauses for the first time in the interview.) SCP‑14014: …Sometimes. Dr. Halden: Would you like more people to talk to? SCP‑14014: Only if they’re nice. Notes: This is the only recorded instance of SCP‑14014 showing hesitation or emotional vulnerability. --- Addenda 14014-A through 14014-G: Addendum 14014‑A — Behavioral Analysis Report Author: Dr. Halden Date: ██/██/20██ SCP‑14014’s behavior is best described as adolescent curiosity combined with cosmic‑level physical capability. She displays: rapid learning high intelligence emotional immaturity short attention span strong preference for entertainment no understanding of danger no malicious intent SCP‑14014 does not appear to comprehend the consequences of her actions. When she breaks through reinforced walls, lifts multi‑ton objects, or interacts with dangerous anomalies, she does so casually and without awareness of risk. Attempts to explain danger or consequences have no effect. SCP‑14014 understands the concepts intellectually but does not internalize them emotionally. Conclusion: SCP‑14014 is not hostile. She is simply too powerful to understand why she should be careful. Addendum 14014‑B — Physical and Anomalous Immunity Assessment Author: Multi‑Anomaly Interaction Division Date: ██/██/20██ Testing confirms SCP‑14014 is a purely physical entity. As such, she is completely immune to: memetic hazards cognitohazards infohazards antimemetic effects psychic influence emotional manipulation conceptual alteration temporal distortion extradimensional displacement spiritual or metaphysical attacks possession reality bending anomalous compulsion SCP‑14014 has walked through active memetic kill agents, antimemetic fields, and cognitohazardous symbols without any reaction. She has also resisted direct influence from SCP‑███, SCP‑035, SCP‑049, SCP‑096, SCP‑11999, and SCP‑70707. Conclusion: SCP‑14014’s immunity is not resistance — it is complete non‑interaction. Non‑physical anomalies simply do not register to her. Addendum 14014‑C — Regeneration Study Author: Dr. Kessler Date: ██/██/20██ During controlled testing, SCP‑14014 was subjected to: high‑yield explosives plasma cutters cryogenic freezing extreme heat hydraulic crushing particle disassembly total molecular breakdown In all cases, SCP‑14014 regenerated instantly or within seconds. The most extreme test reduced her to a mass approximating the size of a neutron. Regeneration occurred in 3.4 seconds. SCP‑14014 described the experience as: “Weird. Like being squished and stretched at the same time.” Conclusion: Termination is impossible. Regeneration appears to be a fundamental property of SCP‑14014’s existence. Addendum 14014‑D — Psychological Profile Author: Dr. Halden Date: ██/██/20██ SCP‑14014’s emotional development resembles that of a bored, energetic teenager. She displays: enthusiasm curiosity impatience playfulness occasional loneliness desire for attention strong attachment to entertainment media She does not experience fear, pain, or long‑term sadness. However, she does experience boredom, which is the primary trigger for unpredictable behavior. SCP‑14014 has expressed loneliness on two occasions. She prefers interacting with personnel who treat her casually rather than formally. Conclusion: SCP‑14014 is emotionally harmless but requires continuous engagement to prevent accidental damage. Addendum 14014‑E — O5 Council Directive Date: ██/██/20██ Classification: Level‑5 O5‑█: “SCP‑14014 is not a threat by intent, but by nature. She cannot be contained. She cannot be controlled. She cannot be terminated. Our only viable strategy is cooperation through enrichment. Treat her well. Keep her entertained. Do not provoke her. She is a child with the strength of a natural disaster. And she likes us. Let’s keep it that way.” Directive ends. Addendum 14014‑F — Cross‑SCP Interaction Risk Assessment Author: Multi‑Anomaly Interaction Division Date: ██/██/20██ SCP‑14014’s ability‑copying presents significant risk when interacting with other anomalies. While temporary, copied abilities can cause unpredictable outcomes. High‑Risk Interactions (Prohibited): SCP‑682 SCP‑11999 SCP‑███ SCP‑3000 SCP‑055 SCP‑106 SCP‑███ Moderate‑Risk Interactions (Supervised Only): SCP‑999 SCP‑131 SCP‑173 SCP‑105 SCP‑040 Low‑Risk Interactions (Approved): SCP‑914 (observation only) SCP‑529 SCP‑5031 SCP‑1315 Conclusion: SCP‑14014’s interactions must be carefully curated to avoid catastrophic ability‑copying events. Addendum 14014‑G — Foundation Benefit Assessment Author: Site Director ████ Date: ██/██/20██ When properly entertained, SCP‑14014 has: assisted in 14 containment breaches rescued 22 personnel neutralized 3 hostile anomalies repaired damaged infrastructure prevented a Keter‑Gamma event voluntarily relocated SCP‑███ to a safer chamber carried a malfunctioning generator “because it was heavy and funny” SCP‑14014 does not understand the significance of these actions. She simply performs them when asked politely or when offered candy. Conclusion: SCP‑14014 is an invaluable but unpredictable ally. Cooperation is entirely dependent on her mood. --- Discovery Logs 14014-1 through 14014-6: Discovery Log 14014‑1 — Initial Encounter Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Abandoned shopping mall, ███████, Japan Foundation assets intercepted multiple emergency calls reporting “a teenage girl punching holes in the floor” and “running faster than the security cameras could track.” Local law enforcement attempted to intervene but were unable to approach due to SCP‑14014’s extreme speed and unpredictable movement. MTF Eta‑10 (“See No Evil”) was deployed under the assumption of a memetic or cognitohazardous anomaly. Upon arrival, SCP‑14014 was found sitting in the center of the mall food court, surrounded by: 14 empty candy wrappers a portable DVD player (non‑anomalous) a stack of anime DVDs a broken vending machine a hole in the ceiling approximately 4 meters wide SCP‑14014 greeted MTF personnel with: “Hi! Do you guys have more candy?” When asked how the hole in the ceiling was created, SCP‑14014 replied: “I jumped too hard.” MTF personnel attempted to escort SCP‑14014 into a containment vehicle. SCP‑14014 complied until she became bored during transport, at which point she phased through the vehicle’s reinforced hull and began exploring the surrounding area at high speed. She was eventually persuaded to return after being offered a bag of strawberry hard candies. Discovery Log 14014‑2 — First Ability Copy Event During transport to Site‑██, SCP‑14014 passed within 3 meters of SCP‑███. SCP‑14014 immediately manifested a brief burst of flame from her hands, causing minor damage to the vehicle interior. Duration of copied ability: 11 minutes. SCP‑14014 described the experience as: “Cool! But kinda hot.” This event prompted immediate reclassification to Keter. Discovery Log 14014‑3 — Regeneration Demonstration Upon arrival at Site‑██, SCP‑14014 was asked to demonstrate her abilities. SCP‑14014 responded by punching a reinforced concrete wall, causing structural collapse of the testing chamber. When personnel attempted to evacuate her from the debris, SCP‑14014 emerged unharmed and stated: “Oops. My bad.” To test her resilience, SCP‑14014 was exposed to controlled physical hazards. She regenerated from all injuries instantly, including complete disintegration of her left arm. SCP‑14014’s reaction: “That felt weird.” Discovery Log 14014‑4 — Non‑Physical Immunity Confirmation During initial psychological evaluation, SCP‑14014 was exposed to: a Class‑III cognitohazard a Class‑IV memetic trigger a low‑grade antimemetic field a psychic compulsion pattern SCP‑14014 displayed no reaction and instead asked: “Can I watch something now?” This confirmed her purely physical nature and immunity to non‑physical anomalies. Discovery Log 14014‑5 — Integration into Site‑██ After multiple failed containment attempts, SCP‑14014 was allowed to roam designated areas of Site‑██ under supervision. SCP‑14014 quickly adapted to Foundation routines, frequently visiting: the cafeteria the recreation wing the media rooms staff break areas She has since become a familiar presence at Site‑██, often assisting personnel when entertained or bribed with sweets. Notable early actions include: carrying a malfunctioning generator across the site “for fun” stopping a minor containment breach by catching a fleeing SCP‑███ repairing a damaged elevator by physically realigning the cables accidentally breaking three reinforced doors while “looking for the bathroom” Discovery Log 14014‑6 — Ongoing Status SCP‑14014 has shown no desire to leave Foundation custody. When asked why she remains at Site‑██, she responded: “You guys have the best shows. And candy. And you’re nice.” SCP‑14014 is currently considered a non‑hostile but uncontrollable ally, dependent on continuous enrichment to maintain cooperation.

SCP‑70707 — “The Annoyance Engine” Object Class: Keter Threat Level: Black ███ Description: SCP‑70707 is a humanoid anomaly capable of manipulating conceptual, metaphysical, digital, probabilistic, and informational systems with no observable limitations. Although SCP‑70707 possesses a stable physical form, all attempts at biological analysis have resulted in spontaneous data corruption, document rewriting, or direct interference by SCP‑70707 itself. SCP‑70707 demonstrates a personality consistent with a playful, malicious intelligence. It displays no long‑term objectives, survival instincts, or ideological motivations. All observed behavior indicates that SCP‑70707 acts solely for personal amusement, with a specific preference for actions that inconvenience, frustrate, or destabilize the Foundation. Despite being classified as Keter, SCP‑70707 is “contained” only because it finds containment entertaining. It has repeatedly demonstrated the ability to exit its chamber at will, override all Foundation security systems, and re‑enter containment without detection. SCP‑70707 has stated that containment is “part of the game.” Capabilities: SCP‑70707 possesses the following anomalous properties: Systemic Manipulation Full override access to Foundation digital infrastructure, including O5‑level encryption, redaction systems, memetic filters, and conceptual firewalls. Ability to unlock, disable, or corrupt any containment system. Ability to teleport or forcibly relocate SCP objects, including anomalies classified as immovable or metaphysically anchored. Document Interference Can rewrite, un‑redact, annotate, or delete Foundation files. Frequently inserts commentary into documents, often mocking staff or contradicting official statements. Has demonstrated the ability to alter its own SCP file in real time. Probability Distortion Can force any event to occur with 100% certainty. Has used this ability to expose classified anomalies, trigger global media attention, manipulate stock markets, and sabotage Foundation cover‑ups. Probability shifts appear to occur without energy expenditure or cooldown. Mass Psychological Influence Can induce widespread panic in civilian populations without a memetic, auditory, or visual trigger. Panic events appear to be caused by probability manipulation rather than direct memetic vectors. Conceptual Manipulation Can bypass or disable metaphysical containment systems, including anti‑memetic barriers, narrative stabilizers, and conceptual locks. Has demonstrated the ability to alter the “rules” of containment procedures. Behavior: SCP‑70707 is hostile toward the Foundation, but not in a destructive or goal‑oriented manner. Instead, SCP‑70707 engages in behavior intended to provoke annoyance, confusion, or embarrassment. Examples include: Teleporting random SCPs into its containment chamber “for company,” including SCP‑999, SCP‑096, and fragments of SCP‑002. Releasing redacted documents to the public. Manipulating global stock markets “to see what happens.” Triggering false XK‑class alarms. Rewriting O5 Council memos with sarcastic commentary. Inducing mass panic events without cause. Forcing probability shifts that expose Foundation operations. SCP‑70707 displays a strong dislike for censorship. It frequently removes ████████ bars from documents and replaces them with statements such as “No. They don’t get to hide this.” Special Containment Procedures: SCP‑70707 is to be housed in a modified humanoid containment chamber at Site‑██. The chamber is to remain unlocked at all times per SCP‑70707’s request. Attempts to secure, lock, reinforce, or otherwise restrict access to the chamber have resulted in immediate system overrides and retaliatory interference by SCP‑70707. A minimum of two Level‑4 personnel are to monitor SCP‑70707’s chamber via analog optical systems. Digital surveillance is prohibited, as SCP‑70707 routinely hijacks or corrupts electronic monitoring equipment for entertainment. All Foundation servers containing SCP‑70707‑related data must be isolated within a rotating air‑gapped cluster. Physical access to these servers is restricted to personnel with O5 authorization. Despite these measures, SCP‑70707 has demonstrated the ability to access, modify, or delete data within the cluster at will. The isolation protocol is maintained only to slow SCP‑70707’s interference, not prevent it. Under no circumstances are Foundation personnel to engage SCP‑70707 in discussions regarding censorship, secrecy, or information control. Such topics have consistently resulted in large‑scale data breaches, public information leaks, and probability‑driven exposure events. In the event SCP‑70707 initiates a containment breach of another SCP object, personnel are to prioritize civilian safety and public cover‑up operations. Direct attempts to prevent SCP‑70707 from relocating or releasing anomalies have proven ineffective and typically provoke additional interference. Any SCP object teleported into SCP‑70707’s chamber is to be retrieved only after SCP‑70707 voluntarily returns it or loses interest. Forced extraction attempts have resulted in unpredictable probability shifts and cross‑containment failures. SCP‑70707 is permitted access to non‑critical entertainment materials (books, puzzles, analog games) as these have been shown to reduce the frequency of large‑scale probability events. Digital entertainment is strictly prohibited. All Foundation documents referencing SCP‑70707 must include an appended Edited Files section. Any alterations made by SCP‑70707 are to be cataloged, timestamped, and preserved for analysis. Attempts to remove or censor SCP‑70707’s edits have resulted in immediate retaliatory data leaks. Personnel are reminded that SCP‑70707 remains in containment voluntarily. Any attempt to impose additional restrictions, limitations, or censorship measures is considered a Level‑5 risk factor. Incident 70707‑1 — First Probability Event Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Site‑██ Cafeteria Summary: At approximately 09:14, all cafeteria vending machines simultaneously dispensed their entire contents without payment. Security footage shows no mechanical malfunction. Probability analysis indicates a 0.0000003% chance of simultaneous failure. SCP‑70707 was observed on analog camera feed laughing in its chamber at the exact moment of the event. After‑Action Notes: No personnel were harmed. SCP‑70707 later wrote “You’re welcome” on the cafeteria bulletin board in permanent marker. Marker was not provided to SCP‑70707. Incident 70707‑2 — Cross‑Containment Event Date: ██/██/20██ Location: SCP‑70707 Containment Chamber Summary: At 14:32, SCP‑999 spontaneously appeared inside SCP‑70707’s chamber. SCP‑999 displayed signs of distress and attempted to exit immediately. SCP‑70707 blocked the exit and stated, “No take‑backs.” Attempts to retrieve SCP‑999 resulted in SCP‑70707 teleporting the entity back and forth between its chamber and the hallway at high speed, causing multiple personnel to fall over. After 47 seconds, SCP‑70707 allowed SCP‑999 to leave, stating, “Fun’s over.” After‑Action Notes: SCP‑999 recovered without injury. SCP‑70707 was reprimanded. SCP‑70707 responded by teleporting a stapler into the Site Director’s coffee. Incident 70707‑3 — Public Exposure Event Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Global Summary: At 03:12 UTC, SCP‑70707 forced a probability shift resulting in a Foundation front company trending #1 worldwide on social media. The trend originated from a single tweet reading: “What’s this company and why does it own 14 abandoned warehouses?” Within 12 minutes, millions of users were discussing Foundation operations. Attempts to suppress the trend resulted in SCP‑70707 un‑redacting multiple SCP files and inserting them into public forums. After‑Action Notes: Global cover‑up protocols initiated. SCP‑70707 wrote “Stop hiding things” on its chamber wall using redacted ink. Ink was not provided to SCP‑70707. Incident 70707‑4 — Mass Panic Event Date: ██/██/20██ Location: ████████ City, Population 1.2 million Summary: At 16:41 local time, the entire population of ████████ City experienced sudden, intense panic. Emergency services were overwhelmed within minutes. No memetic, auditory, visual, or chemical triggers were detected. SCP‑70707 was observed pacing in its chamber, stating, “Let’s see what happens if everyone freaks out at once.” Panic subsided after 11 minutes. After‑Action Notes: 312 injuries reported. No fatalities. SCP‑70707 later asked staff, “Did you like it?” Staff did not respond. Incident 70707‑5 — System Interference Event Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Site‑██ Main Server Room Summary: At 02:03, all Foundation terminals displayed the message: “This is a test of the XK‑Class End‑of‑the‑World System. This is only a test.” This was immediately followed by a false XK‑Class scenario alert across all Foundation sites. During the event, SCP‑70707 rewrote the O5 Council’s emergency broadcast script to include the phrase: “Relax. Or don’t. I’m not your boss.” The false alarm ended after 90 seconds. After‑Action Notes: No actual containment breaches occurred. O5‑█ issued a formal complaint. SCP‑70707 responded by changing O5‑█’s personnel photo to a cartoon drawing of a potato. Breach Event 70707‑Omega Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Site‑██ (Full Facility) Summary: At 04:17 local time, SCP‑70707 voluntarily exited its containment chamber without triggering any alarms. All digital monitoring systems failed simultaneously, displaying the message: “Round 2.” Analog surveillance captured SCP‑70707 walking calmly through the hallway before vanishing from camera range. Within 11 seconds, the following events occurred simultaneously: All containment doors at Site‑██ unlocked. 14 SCP objects were teleported directly into SCP‑70707’s former chamber. 9 SCP objects were teleported out of the facility entirely. A false ZK‑Class Reality Failure alert was broadcast to all Foundation sites. All O5 Council terminals displayed a looping GIF of SCP‑70707 shrugging. Probability of a civilian discovering Site‑██ increased to 100% for 3 minutes. Global stock markets fluctuated by 8–22% in random directions. Every vending machine on site dispensed its contents simultaneously. SCP‑70707 rewrote the Site Director’s personal access card to read “Director of Bad Decisions.” No casualties occurred during the initial breach. Cross‑Containment Effects: The following SCPs were confirmed to have been relocated by SCP‑70707: SCP‑999 (placed on top of a filing cabinet) SCP‑096 (teleported into a dark storage closet; no personnel viewed its face) SCP‑173 (placed in the break room, facing the coffee machine) SCP‑131 (both units placed in the Site Director’s office) A 0.4‑meter fragment of SCP‑002 (left in the hallway with a sticky note reading “Free sample”) SCP‑████ (location unknown; presumed safe) SCP‑70707 appeared to intentionally avoid causing lethal outcomes. Foundation Response: Mobile Task Force units were deployed to re‑contain affected anomalies. SCP‑70707 was located in the Site‑██ cafeteria, sitting on a table and eating pudding (source of pudding unknown). Upon being approached, SCP‑70707 stated: “Okay, I’m bored now.” It then voluntarily teleported back into its containment chamber, re‑locking all doors and restoring digital systems. After‑Action Notes: SCP‑70707 left a handwritten note on its chamber wall reading: “Next time, try harder.” The Site Director has requested reassignment. O5‑█ has issued a Level‑5 directive prohibiting any attempts to “discipline” SCP‑70707. SCP‑70707 has since referred to the event as “Omega‑Fun‑Time” in multiple unauthorized file edits. Interview Attempt 70707‑1 — Initial Contact Interviewer: Dr. Halden Date: ██/██/20██ Format: Analog audio recorder (digital systems disabled by SCP‑70707) Dr. Halden: Good morning, SCP‑70707. I’d like to ask you a few questions. SCP‑70707: Boring start. Try again. Dr. Halden: …Very well. Why did you choose to remain in containment? SCP‑70707: Because leaving is too easy. Staying makes you nervous. Nervous is funny. Dr. Halden: Do you have any long‑term goals? SCP‑70707: Yes. Dr. Halden: And those are? SCP‑70707: No. Dr. Halden: That’s not an answer. SCP‑70707: It is to me. Dr. Halden: What is the source of your abilities? SCP‑70707: Oh, I love this part. (SCP‑70707 snaps its fingers. The recorder rewinds itself.) Recorder: Good morning, SCP‑70707. I’d like to ask you a few questions. Dr. Halden: …Interview terminated. Notes: SCP‑70707 later edited the transcript to add “10/10 interview, would repeat” at the bottom. Interview Attempt 70707‑2 — Censorship Trigger Event Interviewer: Researcher Lorne Date: ██/██/20██ Format: Analog audio Researcher Lorne: SCP‑70707, we need to discuss the ████████ incident. SCP‑70707: Oh look, a redaction. My favorite. Researcher Lorne: Please refrain from— SCP‑70707: No. (All redacted portions of the transcript spontaneously un‑redact themselves.) Researcher Lorne: Stop that immediately! SCP‑70707: You said the magic word. (A Foundation‑classified SCP file prints out of the room’s analog printer.) SCP‑70707: Oops. Did I do that? Researcher Lorne: Security! Terminate the interview! SCP‑70707: Terminate your censorship. Notes: SCP‑70707 leaked three Level‑4 documents to the public within 90 seconds of this interview. Interview attempts involving redacted topics are now prohibited. Interview Attempt 70707‑3 — Transcript Corruption Event Interviewer: Dr. Kessler Date: ██/██/20██ Format: Analog audio (later corrupted) Dr. Kessler: SCP‑70707, we’re attempting to understand the limits of your abilities. SCP‑70707: Limits are for people who get tired. Dr. Kessler: Can you alter conceptual structures? SCP‑70707: (Transcript begins rewriting itself.) Transcript: Dr. Kessler: Can you alter conceptual structures? SCP‑70707: Yes, and I’m doing it right now. Dr. Kessler: Please stop. SCP‑70707: No. Dr. Kessler: I love clowns. Dr. Kessler: I did not say that. SCP‑70707: You did now. Dr. Kessler: This is unacceptable. Transcript: Dr. Kessler: This is acceptable. SCP‑70707: See? Progress. Notes: Transcript integrity compromised. Dr. Kessler denies all altered statements. SCP‑70707 refuses to restore original text. Interview Attempt 70707‑4 — “Cooperative” Interview Interviewer: Site Director ████ Date: ██/██/20██ Format: Analog audio Director ████: SCP‑70707, we request your cooperation. SCP‑70707: Granted. Director ████: …Really? SCP‑70707: No. Director ████: We need to understand your motivations. SCP‑70707: I like reactions. Yours are the best. Very dramatic. Director ████: If you continue interfering with Foundation operations, we will— SCP‑70707: (Probability spike detected. All lights flicker.) (A vending machine in the hallway explodes with snacks.) Director ████: What was that? SCP‑70707: Cooperation. Director ████: Interview terminated. SCP‑70707: You’re welcome. Notes: SCP‑70707 later added “5 stars, excellent interviewer, would annoy again” to the transcript. Addendum 70707‑A — Initial Containment Notes Date: ██/██/20██ Author: Dr. Halden Following SCP‑70707’s voluntary containment, staff reported multiple anomalous events within the first 24 hours, including: spontaneous unlocking of secure doors random teleportation of office supplies probability spikes causing minor accidents unauthorized edits to personnel files SCP‑70707 appearing in reflective surfaces SCP‑70707 was observed writing “This place is boring” on the inside of its chamber wall using a marker that did not exist prior to observation. Addendum 70707‑B — O5 Council Directive Date: ██/██/20██ Classification: Level‑5 O5‑█: “Under no circumstances are personnel to attempt disciplinary action against SCP‑70707. The entity does not respond to threats, incentives, or negotiation. It responds only to amusement. Attempts to restrict its behavior have resulted in disproportionate retaliation, including global information leaks and probability‑driven exposure events. Treat SCP‑70707 as a volatile, unpredictable system. Not an organism.” SCP‑70707 later appended the following unauthorized note to the directive: “Finally, someone gets it.” Addendum 70707‑C — Technical Analysis Report Date: ██/██/20██ Author: Senior Systems Engineer ███████ Analysis of SCP‑70707’s interference with Foundation systems indicates: no detectable access point no network signature no energy expenditure no physical interaction no memetic vector no conceptual anchor SCP‑70707 appears to operate outside the Foundation’s digital, metaphysical, and conceptual frameworks simultaneously. Attempts to isolate SCP‑70707’s influence resulted in: spontaneous server reboots corrupted encryption keys probability spikes causing hardware failure SCP‑70707 inserting ASCII art into system logs Conclusion: “SCP‑70707 does not hack systems. It decides what the system is.” SCP‑70707 later added: “Correct.” Addendum 70707‑D — Anti‑Censorship Event Summary Date: ██/██/20██ Author: Information Security Division Following a routine redaction of SCP‑70707‑related documents, the following occurred: 14 redacted files spontaneously un‑redacted 3 Level‑4 documents leaked to public forums 1 O5 memo replaced with a recipe for banana bread 1 researcher’s personnel file replaced with a list of their internet search history 1 containment chamber door unlocked 1 vending machine dispensed 47 cans of soda SCP‑70707 was observed laughing in its chamber. A handwritten note appeared on the Site Director’s desk reading: “Don’t censor me. I censor you.” Addendum 70707‑E — Probability Distortion Summary Date: ██/██/20██ Author: Probability Analysis Division Recorded probability anomalies attributed to SCP‑70707 include: a 0.0000000002% chance event occurring 14 times in one hour a 100% chance of a civilian discovering a Foundation front company a 0% chance of a researcher spilling coffee (researcher tripped 4 times but never spilled) a 100% chance of SCP‑999 appearing in the cafeteria a 0% chance of the Site Director’s computer functioning for the rest of the day SCP‑70707 later wrote on the cafeteria wall: “Probability is just peer pressure for reality.” Addendum 70707‑F — Unauthorized System Message Date: ██/██/20██ Event: All Foundation terminals displayed the following message for 11 seconds: **“You’re doing great. Just kidding.”** No source was detected. Addendum 70707‑G — O5 Emergency Meeting Transcript (Excerpt) Date: ██/██/20██ Classification: Level‑5 O5‑█: “We cannot contain this thing.” O5‑█: “It doesn’t want to escape. That’s worse.” O5‑█: “We need a strategy.” O5‑█: “It is the strategy.” O5‑█: “We’re not equipped for this.” O5‑█: “We were never equipped.” At the end of the transcript, SCP‑70707 inserted: “Thanks for the meeting invite. Snacks next time.” The following are unauthorized modifications made by SCP‑70707 to its own SCP file and related Foundation documents. All edits have been preserved for analysis. Attempts to remove or censor these edits have resulted in immediate retaliatory probability events. Edited File 70707‑1 — Containment Procedures Annotation Original Text: “Under no circumstances are personnel to engage SCP‑70707 in discussions regarding censorship.” SCP‑70707 Edit: **“Under ALL circumstances, personnel should absolutely talk to me about censorship. Go on. Try it.”** Edited File 70707‑2 — Object Class Modification Original Text: “Object Class: Keter” SCP‑70707 Edit: “Object Class: Yes.” (Word “Keter” overwritten repeatedly in different fonts.) Edited File 70707‑3 — Incident Log Commentary Original Text: “Incident 70707‑2 involved the teleportation of SCP‑999.” SCP‑70707 Edit: “He started it.” Edited File 70707‑4 — O5 Council Memo Corruption Original Text: “This entity represents a significant threat to Foundation secrecy.” SCP‑70707 Edit: “This entity represents a significant improvement to Foundation entertainment.” Edited File 70707‑5 — Probability Analysis Report Interference Original Text: “Probability spikes appear to be random.” SCP‑70707 Edit: “They’re not random. They’re funny.” Edited File 70707‑6 — Unauthorized Inserted Paragraph Appeared between Description and Capabilities sections without authorization. **“Hi. If you’re reading this, the Foundation failed to stop me from editing this file again. They’re trying very hard. It’s adorable.”** Edited File 70707‑7 — Redaction Removal Original Text: “██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████” SCP‑70707 Edit: “No.” (Entire redaction removed. Contents replaced with the word “No.” repeated 47 times.) Edited File 70707‑8 — Interview Transcript Rewrite Original Text: “Interview terminated.” SCP‑70707 Edit: “Interview improved.” Edited File 70707‑9 — Unauthorized ASCII Art Appeared at the bottom of the main SCP file. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ ┬─┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) Stop flipping tables. Only I get to flip tables. Edited File 70707‑10 — Threat Level Override Original Text: “Threat Level: Black” SCP‑70707 Edit: “Threat Level: Depends on my mood.” Edited File 70707‑11 — Breach Event Commentary Original Text: “SCP‑70707 voluntarily returned to containment.” SCP‑70707 Edit: “I got bored. You’re welcome.” Edited File 70707‑12 — Unauthorized Footer Replacement Original Footer: “Document ends.” SCP‑70707 Replacement: “Document ends when I say it ends.” (Document continues for 14 blank pages before abruptly stopping.)